Today has been one of the those lazy days, where the flannel pink robe only came off for a brief period of time during my morning exercise and bath.  Of course, as soon as possible, I put my cozy and reliable robe right back on.

Lately I have not been able to sleep soundly at night. I find myself in the midst of the “Coury”  midlife crisis. This is a legacy passed on by my paternal side. Not to point any fingers Dad….

Every Coury I have ever known, has gone through this period which I always thought was a ”crazy period”. From past experiences it always seemed to begin around forty and ended by the late forties or early fifties, if you were lucky.  There have been a few Courys who never came out right…I of course will not devulge any names….

I warned my husband what would happen to me around my fortieth birthday. I think with all the steroids and antibiotics in our foods I might be prematurely aging. I found myself in the mist of my crazy period at thirty-seven. Good thing I have switched to organic!

That brings me back to my lazy day. I have not been sleeping well at night. I restlessly try to find a comfortable  position, while my husband threatens to buy a new bed. I forgot to mention one thing. Every night I bring an entourage of pillows with me to prop against my aching back. It is like bringing two extra people to bed. Other than these “people” don’t whine at the discomfort from the jerks and tortuous bends I subject them too.

So much has been on my mind. I feel like I am in the middle of a personal reinvention or personal crisis, I am not sure yet which. I lay awake at night, while everyone is in a deep sleep thinking about my day, what I want to change and what will make me happy. I think about old friends, and trying to recreate an old life that no longer exists. I think about my current life and ways to find more meaning from my activities. A reevaluation of my priorities has led me to rethink paths I have chosen.

I am hoping that by making myself a priority again, I will be able to discover and enjoy this new emerging me. The washed up suburban housewife might have more to offer the world, than carpooling and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I am finding out that what truly makes me happy is right here in front of me, I just need to be strong enough to reach out and grab it. Who knows, this Coury may be discovering that a midlife crisis is nothing to fear, but instead something to embrace. I might just come out of this thing a bit better off.

Now, if I could just figure out how to get back to sleep again….